What happens when you are an innocent, blushing young bride, where your husband is the centre of your universe and he is your window to the world – the big, bad world from which you want him to shelter you till eternity? Well, although now, after 20 years of knowing each other, the adjectives of young and blushing seem as far away as the thought of hubby dearest being my only window to the world, there are a few things which hubby did make me learn, (not all of which are the printable kind!) the first being the coconut tree theory.
This is a true original, typical hubby style. It was the first week after our marriage. I was still basking in the bliss of being Mrs , the mehendi on my hands had not yet faded and the journey of this new life was as yet smooth and scenic. After another hectic day of force smiling our way through meeting another horde of enthusiastic neighbours and relatives in Chennai, we retired for the night. Hubby took me to the balcony. My romantic heart leaped with the anticipation of a surprise gift….. or maybe a serenade?? He took me to the far end of the balcony and pointing to some coconut trees asked me, “What do you see there?”. Squinting in the dark, I struggled to notice some extra ordinary sight and replied , “Hmmm… romantic moonlight?”. He continued in a serious vein, “ Look at those coconut trees… those two..at the right side. Do you see how the breeze blows and they bend towards each other? See … see… yes …look at how they are caressing each other”. Then he paused… I waited expectantly for him to give a romantic insight into this whole thing. After a long pause, he continued in the same tone, “Look now…. See, the breeze has stopped blowing and the trees are now back to their original positions. (pause) So, did you understand anything?”. Thank God for the darkness as he could not see how blank and dumb founded I looked. He explained - “We must learn to be like these coconut trees. At times, we must be close, touching each other’s lives but ultimately, we must back off to our own individual space. We must not become creepers, clinging to each other, but give each other so much space that we can grow and become strong, individual trees with an identity of our own. In this way, we can be close, but not suffocatingly so, at the same time we can be far but not away”.
I was stunned by this talk! Just 4 days into the marriage and already he wanted HIS SPACE! I was flooded with doubts, uncertainties and big, fat tears which rolled incessantly down my cheeks. He went off to sleep, blissfully unaware of how his ‘gyaan giving’ had affected me. I waited to make some sense out of what he has said. I spent the whole night, watching the trees, urging them to get entwined forever, wishing them to stick together…anything to keep them together …my idea of togetherness. By morning, I was convinced that there has to be something wrong with me for hubby to say something so heartbreaking. Is he already bored of me? Am I not his kind? WHAT IS IT???? I was plagued by all such thoughts.
Seeing my puffy, red and still watering eyes, he almost leaped out of bed. On understanding the cause of all this anxiety, he explained that even though we had become one, he wanted me to have my own identity, my own thoughts, my own opinions and not become just a shadow of him. Very lovingly he told me that however romantic “Two bodies , one mind, one soul” sounded, in the long run, I would realize that both of us needed space and this would make us want to get back to each other rather than have to be with each other.
It took a lot of convincing but after all these years, I grudgingly admit that the coconut trees are still thriving and even today they want the breeze to blow them closer. They have witnessed many storms and rough weather, but they have learnt to dodge them and have become stronger and sturdier. So, all you newly weds…. Do apply this coconut theory in your lives…… do let me know what you think. Maybe some gyaan I too can give to hubby?
