What is it about the word "Mother" or "Parent" which just makes us sit up and shiver? Why is it such a "loaded" word? When was the exact time that changed, what was a very natural phenomenon, into such a task, so as to say?
My experience as a mother has been, well, a natural one. I am still on the learning curve although it is more than 15 years since I became one. Looking back, I can truthfully say that all in all it has been (as yet) a very fulfilling and fun filled journey. Yes, the long nights of colic induced howls, those periods of energetic burst which were always peaked after
When I see the new age moms of today, I feel I belonged to another era or maybe another planet for all you know. They are equipped with the latest gizmos of beepers and trackers and baby monitors and what have you. All that a baby needs is secure feeling of your loving arm around him. Your strong heartbeat next to his tiny one will instill such a feeling of security that even the best of the "How to Be A Perfectionist Mother" types of books will be unable to ever explain.
What gets my goat is this new concept of "structured playtime". How can anything as fun as "play" be structured? Where have all the playgrounds filled with dirty, disheveled but joyful kids gone? Are those days of rolling in the mud and doing cartwheels on the lawns a thing of the past? Will kids have to plan their "play dates" so as to experience what it is to play? When I read about this new age playschool that had special sessions for “mother-child” playtime, I was astounded! I mean, if you have to TEACH a mother to play with her own child, then I think we need to brace ourselves to hear about “How to breathe” classes or maybe “how to grow from a girl to a woman” classes or maybe even “how to walk to the bus stop” classes!
I think we all are taking parenting too seriously! My parents never freaked out when they saw bleeding elbows, broken teeth or dislocated shoulders. Everything was taken in their stride and “Bai’s home remedies” (we addressed our paternal grandmom as Bai) were called for. Very rarely was the doctor ever needed. In no time, we would be fit and fine for another disaster. My parents had the same approach to our results. Full scores and red lines were met with the same yogic equilibrium. No exhilarated whoopies on bagging the first rank and no suicide attempts on failing the exams. When I see the parents of today at PTA meetings, chewing the teacher’s brains for “that half mark you wrongly cut” I pity them. This is not the way to live or teach your child to live. How much will that half mark matter when you are in the sunset of your life and reminiscing about your life’s journey?
I hope I can leave my son a legacy of love, a treasure trove of happiness and a hoarding of cherished memories, which he can draw upon when he faces the ups and downs of his life. I hope I can instill in him the ability to embrace gracefully whatever life throws at him and the strength to carry on happily, irrespective of the setbacks.
9 comments:
First things first, welcome to blogger! I am so glad you decided to bring the writer in you to the fore, otherwise I would have never known you write so well (our LE efforts notwithstanding!).
'Being a mother'- what better topic to start with than this? I think a girl fully transforms into a woman only when she attains motherhood, marriage being a mere prelude to this bitter-sweet journey.
I simply loved the way you managed to strike a fine balance of heartfelt emotions coupled with practical advice. Will be on the lookout for a constant feed of posts on just about everything under the sun! Keep writing!
Thanks Simi! I cannot start to say the kind of wonderful feeling I experienced writing on my own blog. You have indeed given me the outlet I so badly needed. Now I know what artists mean when they say that they create/ dance/ sing just for arts sake. Writing just so that I can be ME, let my emotions connect to the keys of the keyboard ... I feel liberated. I cannot thank u enough!
Oh yes, that was a pleasant way of placing your thoughts about being a mother.
To just add, there is a miniscule role of the father for a woman to become only a mother. To become a good mother (which every mother thinks she is, because she can never compare herself with anybody else) a woman just needs to love herself selflessly first, because a child is and will always remain an extension of herself. The point when a woman transforms into a mother no matter who she is, the pleasure of becoming an mother is so enormous that she forgets all her pains, which no father can ever understand.
In the animal kingdom it is very natural for the mother only to take care of its little ones. Only we human beings pretend that we are not animals and make things worst for our child because we expect them to do what we would have like to do and destroy the humane nature of the child.
@gopal
Hi! Welcome to the world of blogging.
Yes dear! A woman needs to love herself "selflessly"... very insightful observation. Loved to read your comment. Intention was not to undermine a father's role, but seeing things from a mother's perspective.
"because a child is and will always remain an extension of herself." what a thought and I can actually relate with this. I guess the word "mother" is a "loaded" because only a mother can love "unconditionally" and it is the only relationship which sticks through thin and thick, whether you are right or wrong, correct or incorrect. It’s our mother we call out when we are in pain, because she is our main and sometimes only source of comfort. I myself started viewing my mother in a different angle once I became one. Have started realizing how much I must have given her sleepless nights, nappy trouble and whatever I'm going through. I'm not complaining but still I feel you can only know what a mother is once you become one. Vinnie, kuddos to you to start off with such a wonderfull topic!!! MAA TUJHE SALAAM!!!!!
@ namita
Hey thanks Nams! Very encouraging comments. Yes! Being a mother is something we all hold close to our hearts. Once a mother.... always a mother.
Hey Mini......
All the years that I've known you, never once did I realise that you had such a profound writer hidden away somewhere within the deep recesses of your soul.....I have not read a more articulate and emotional outpouring of feelings and though I am not a mother , you have managed to make me realise what it is to be one....God Bless and keep writing.....it is a gift !! love rosh
@ ROSHNI
Thanks for your heartfelt comments Rosh. ... "you have managed to make me realise what it is to be a mother..." brought tears to my eyes. It has given me so much of confidence and made me fell blessed.
Hey Vini,
Havin gone thru ur blog, one cannot deny the fact, it was the depth of ur feelings which seems so effortlessly portrayed & pleasing to the reader. Though it is a matter tht is very common, u hv brought about a new meaning to areas which is so dormant or taken for granted. I truly agree with u in regards with wht u said abt "Being a Mother". It is a gr8 blessing given to Mothers,but the present generations think it as a duty to b performed rather than enjoyin every moment of it, be it good or bad. The article on "Friends" brought back those times & memories that I really cherish. Its so truly said tht u can judge a person by the company he keeps.
I eagerly look forward to more on your blog. Happy writing!!!
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